How to Shoot Your Shot like a real Catholic

"You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” - Wayne Gretzky

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A conversation among some Catholic men (of varying ages) started in a small group recently. The conversation was about a young woman who had recently converted to the Catholic Church and one of the young men in the group telling the group that he had a crush on the young lady for some time. It was noted that this young lady was also recently single. The older men in the group encouraged him to not be shy and to boldly ask this young lady out on a date. We told him to “shoot your shot” and go for it.

For those unaware, “shoot your shot” is a term that means to be brave and make an attempt at the goal you have in mind that might be too daunting for you. As the Great One Wayne Gretzky said, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. In this instance, we were telling this young man to go ahead and ask the young lady out. We also gave him some dating advice that could be very helpful to other young Catholic men out there.

First off, you need to stop dating and start courting. Dating today means absolutely nothing and it has no purpose to it at all. Dating can last years or even decades in our pathetic culture today. Courtship is different because it has, as its purpose, to find a spouse and to move towards marriage. Courting is aimed at discerning whether a person can be a good spouse and heading towards that goal, while dating in our culture today does not. Court the women you are interested in and don’t date them. Do not conform to our debased and degenerate culture today.

Secondly, understand the situation you are facing in today’s society. God is ignored, holiness is mocked, masculinity is attacked and degeneracy reigns everywhere you look. Our culture is a cesspool of filth and all Catholic men should recognize the signs of the times and stiffen their backs to this filth and madness.

So what is the situation that young people face today? A young woman today is inundated with texts, DM’s, calls and notes from guys hitting on them, multiple times a day. This young woman is propositioned with meaningless sex constantly and has few, if any, actual men in her life who love her for who she is instead of how she makes them feel (more on that in a bit). In our porn-addicted age where the entire culture has absolutely no morals or decency, people are swimming in sexual content all day, every day. So unless you are actively working very hard to combat this, your soul and brain will be corrupted to the point that you cannot even fathom what holy behavior even looks like.

Almost every one of those men who are hitting on young women today are only interested in her as a piece of meat. They view her as a commodity to use for their own pleasure and dopamine hits. They are interested in her because of how she makes them feel or how they think she could make them feel. Men today (and a whole lot of women as well) view the opposite sex as simply a means to increase their own personal pleasure. Virtually all of them view women as a walking sex toy meant for their enjoyment, and do not view them as an actual person with dignity given to them by God.

Sadly this degeneracy and filth has also corrupted most of the women in our society today as well. Most of them have degraded themselves by constantly sleeping with men without even attempting to require some form of commitment from them. They have been so infected by feminism that they think it is empowering to sleep around and be a sexual degenerate. They have rejected their own femininity and embraced a gross and nasty way of life that encourages them to reject the good, the true and the beautiful. Young Catholic men need to be discerning in these times and be able to spot the feminists and nasty girls, so they can avoid them like the plague. You simply do not want to allow these type of women to enter into your life.

So how do you weed out the feminists and the nasty girls? How can you be brave, confident and masculine in this culture today? How do you engage with young women to find out if they are a good woman or a nasty one? How do you go about attracting the good girl and finding out if she is someone you might be interested in and making your wife?

The young, single Catholic man today needs to be different and show that difference if he wants to attract the right woman. It is the confident guy who is humble but direct who will get the good girl’s attention. The one who tells her directly that he’d like to take her out to dinner to find out more about her and see if there is mutual interest for both of you. That is the guy who will get the high-value woman’s interest piqued. A young Catholic man must reject the culture’s view of women as mere play-toys for the sexual desires of men, and must embrace the dignity and wonder that God imbued into women.

The key is to actually be interested in finding out who she is as a person. You must actually care to find out who this young lady is, and what sort of character she possesses. You are also going through a quasi-interview process to find out if she is worthy to invest your time and attention in. Courting is a two-way street and too many people seem to forget this. The man who is not yet convinced he’s going to let her into his life, but is interested to see if she’s got substance and personality first before opening up to her, that is the man who will be successful in courtship.

Guys that are striving to be holy, strong, honest, capable and hard-working men too often think they must always be searching and chasing the good girls. It’s true that they must do the pursuing of the high value woman, because the man needs to be confident and assertive in life. But he cannot be pathetic and emasculate himself by throwing away his own dignity trying to pursue a woman who shows no interest in him. Fellas, if she won’t give you any time or attention, just move along. Stop wasting time on women who keep you around out of convenience or as a backup plan. Drop them like a bag of hammers and go looking for someone who is interested in spending time with you. A woman that is genuinely interested in you will clear her calendar to spend time with you. If she won’t do that, she’s not interested and you need to stop being interested in her.

As noted above, the young Catholic man today must discern which type of woman he is dealing with so he can focus on the good women out there and avoid the feminists and nasty girls. For those on the dating scene today, this is a general outline of a very early conversation you should have with any woman that you are interested in. This will quickly weed out the low-quality women and feminists. This is an example of what should be said, but put it into your own words:

“What I’m interested in, and the entire goal of dating for me, is finding a great woman to be my wife. I’m not interested in ‘hanging out’ or dating for years without a purpose. I’m looking for a holy, smart, modest, loving and gentle woman who wants a husband and many kids. I’m looking for a woman that wants to stay at home and raise our kids while I provide for the family. I’m looking for a woman that wants to find a holy, mature, strong, smart, capable and hard-working man who is ready to lead his family and provide for them. That’s who I’m interested in finding.”

If any of this offends the girl you are attempting to court, then you need to just move along. She’s not looking for a good husband and she doesn’t want to be a good wife. If she objects to the idea of having a bunch of kids, or objects to the idea of staying home and raising her children, then just pay the dinner bill and leave. Don’t waste your time with her. She’s either a low-value woman or a feminist, and you don’t want to waste time with either of those. You certainly don’t want to marry one.

Now the most important thing you can do right now is to focus on making yourself into a high quality man. It’s ridiculous and offensive for you to think you are deserving of finding a high quality woman, if you have not made yourself into a high quality man. You don’t deserve the attention of a woman who is a 9 while you are a 5. So what steps should you take to fashion yourself into a high quality and high value man?

1. Get right with God: No man or woman is a high-quality and high-value person if they are separated from God and leading a sinful life. Go to Mass. Go to Confession. Pray the rosary every day. Perform acts of charity. Read your Bible. Participate in your parish men’s groups. Help out with things at your parish. Learn to give and serve others. This is a lifelong commitment to God you must make if you want to be holy and high-value. You cannot lead a family if you cannot even lead yourself.

2. Go to the gym: Taking care of your physical appearance and getting yourself in shape are not optional. You don’t have to be an Adonis figure, but you need to be healthy and strong. Get yourself in good physical shape because a man who cannot control his body and his passions is not ready to lead a family.

3. Go to work and work harder: You need to get a career and you need to start earning enough income now so that you can support a family in a few years. Show up early and leave late. Do your job and complete your responsibilities at work. Excel at your profession and start earning the income that makes it possible for your future wife to stay home to raise your children. If you don’t have a job right now, go get one (or two).

4. Pay off your debts: This is related to #3. Get your financial life in order and learn to control your spending. No amount of income will ever be enough to out-earn bad spending habits. Even Michael Jackson went bankrupt, even though he earned billions over the course of his lifetime. Control yourself, because a man who cannot control himself or his life cannot lead a family.

5. Turn off the porn: This should be evident, but it still needs to be said. You cannot be right with God if you refuse to give up the number one destroyer of men’s souls today. You cannot be a high-quality man when you view porn. Porn rots the soul and it rots the brain, literally. The brain of someone who regularly watches porn resembles the brain of a heroin addict. Porn chains you to sin and keeps you from being a man. It’s time to grow up and give up your sins.

6. Turn off the video games and electronics: Electronics are destroying the ability for most people in our culture today to live normal, healthy lives and form strong interpersonal relationships and friendships. As with all things, it needs to be kept in moderation, and if you are unable to do so, then give it up entirely. Regularly fast from electronics so you maintain control of your mind and soul. For example, you could have one day a week, such as Sunday, and go without electronics all day. This will allow you to go to Mass, spend time with family and become a more well-rounded person.

7. Read more books: Just as you must fashion and form your soul and body, you must also form and fashion your mind. Time to start going to the library and checking out some non-fiction books. Engage your brain so that you don’t become a vegetable who never uses his brain. You should be reading at least 6 books per year if you want to keep your mind in good shape.

8. Find good and holy men to bond with: No man is an island and men need other men to help them, encourage them and to fraternally correct them when they are in the wrong. We need other men to coach us on what we can do better, challenge us to reach new goals, and to warn us of mistakes and errors that they have made, so we don’t need to do the same. Find some true Christian brothers who will help keep you on the narrow path to Heaven. As Scripture says, “Just as iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens his friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

9. Stop making excuses: Admit your faults and sins. Admit your mistakes and own them. Stop running away from them. Stop justifying your sins. Stop excusing your lazy or wicked behavior. Step up and be a man. Masculinity requires being honest with ourselves and you cannot improve if you do not recognize your faults. A man who cannot admit his own faults is not ready to lead a family.

10. Learn to discern your will versus God’s will: This one is the most difficult of all. Because we don’t measure success like God does and we can’t see the entirety of everything like He can. Often we think material success or personal success is what God wills for us, but this is not true all the time. It can be true, or it might not be true. Jesus didn’t promise us prosperity, but instead promised a cross. Humility is the key here, and you need to refer back to item #1 above. Remember that if you ever think that God is leading you into behavior contrary to what the Catholic Church has formally taught, then you are in error.

Work on these ten things so you can make yourself into a high-quality man. Only when you do that will you be able to attract a high-quality woman. Be the man who is worthy of finding a holy and loving spouse. Work on the ten items above and when you find a woman who you think might be high-quality, then shoot your shot. Ask her out on a date and be direct about it. Don’t ask to hang out. Ask her out on an actual date and don’t be timid about it.

The dating scene today is simply a mess. It’s corrupted, polluted and degenerate. Unless you carefully plan out how you will navigate these tumultuous and filthy waters, you will not find success nor will you find a good and holy woman to marry. You can successfully walk your way into a mess without a plan, but you will not avoid a mess (or get out of one) without a plan. It is the man who formulates a plan and carries it out that is a masculine man. Children do what feels good.