How To Fix Your Emasculated Husband
This post is a companion post to How To Fix Your Masculine Wife.
The first thing we must mention is that you obviously cannot force someone to be something they do not want to be. So nothing in this post is about fooling, tricking or forcing someone to do something they don’t want to do. What this post is aimed at is setting a better environment to see positive changes in your spouse.
So with that, let’s examine our current situation and culture. For a couple generations, the powers that be have indoctrinated and brainwashed men to reject their masculinity. At the same time, it has done the same to women to have them reject their femininity. What it has encouraged instead is for both men and women to emulate bastardized versions of the natural qualities of the other sex. So today men have become emasculated while women have become machismo. Both are fake versions of the true nature of men and women and an inversion of the natural order that God established.
So how can a wife help, encourage and facilitate her husband to become masculine? Well here are some ideas that might be helpful.
Be Honest: It does no good to attempt any of this if you cannot be honest about the current situation and what parts you may have played in it occurring. It takes two to tango, and almost invariably the situation of an emasculated husband is brought about by both the husband and wife behaving badly. You cannot fix a problem you refuse to admit exists. And you cannot fix a problem unless you diagnose it correctly.
Be Feminine: The first and most obvious thing is for you to be a feminine wife. Are you a “Girl Boss” or do you let him take the lead? Are you willing to follow him and his authority over the family? Or do you want to be in charge of everything? It will be tough enough to convince your husband to become more masculine, and it will be darn near impossible if he’s having to compete with you for authority.
Be Affectionate: This might be quite difficult for many of you, because the harsh truth is that you aren’t attracted to your emasculated husband. No woman, deep down, is attracted to an emasculated man. If he will start becoming more masculine you will find your attraction to him increasing. But that’s not an excuse to wait for him to be perfect. You can start right now. And a little secret for you ladies, the affection of a wife can actually drive a husband to WANT to be more masculine. This step is important because it is working to correct issues with BOTH of you. A wife that withholds affection (of the sexual AND non-sexual variety) from a husband is cruel and evil. Your spouse has pledged and vowed his life to you before God and man, and with your acceptance of his vow as your husband, you owe him affection as his wife. This is obviously true for the husband to be affectionate towards the wife as well, but in our culture today the problem is MUCH more serious with wives withholding affection.
Accept Accountability: This step is a very difficult one for women to handle. Actions have consequences, and where you are in life is mostly the result of the actions you have taken. If you want changes to happen, you must admit that you have played a very large role in creating your current situation. Our culture promotes the idea that no one is responsible for their actions, but this isn’t true. We must fight against this belief and take accountability for everything we have done.
Work Together on Defining Masculine & Feminine Traits: Do not be coy and do not be subtle. Speak privately with your husband in a loving manner about these topics. Be gentle but blunt. Talk about how you want him to behave and how you want yourself to behave. Ask for his input on how he sees himself and you, and how he wants both of you to act and behave. Talk together about how each of you wants the other to act according to the design that God placed on husbands and wives. Husbands should be masculine and wives should be feminine. But what do those terms mean?
Follow His Lead: For many decades now, the indoctrination in our society has convinced women that every man is an evil, violent abuser just waiting for the opportunity to subjugate and harm their wives and girlfriends. Women have been convinced that if they ever submit to their husbands, their husbands will start abusing them. But that’s just false. For the vast, vast majority of men, they want to take care of their wives and provide for them. They aren’t trying to abuse you. They want to treat you in a good way. So look inside yourself and see if you harbor this indoctrination in your soul, which makes you refuse to follow the lead of your husband.
Assess Your Friendships: Take a real long and hard look at who your friends and family are, and if they help to contribute to the problem. The old adage of “tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are” is spot-on and correct for everyone. You can have a few friends and acquaintances that you spend minimal time with who are radically different from yourself, but those who you spend most of your time with are those whom you will become. As Scripture says, “Bad company ruins good morals” (1 Cor 15:33). So you need to do a hard assessment of those you spend most of your time with. You need to determine if they are toxic to yourself and your marriage, or if they are uplifting and encouraging you to become a better and holier person. Do the other wives you hang out with talk bad about their husbands or emasculate them? Do they flirt with other men or brag about how little sex they have with their husbands? Do they brag about how they control their husbands and control their families? If so, these are toxic people that you need to get away from quickly.
Assess What You Consume: Do you consume media, electronics, books and shows that reinforce these toxic views and beliefs? Always remember that you become what you consume. If you are consuming a steady diet of content that has poisonous messages, you WILL start to incorporate those messages into your soul. (For example, there hasn’t been a single sitcom since the 80’s which showed a husband and father as a competent, strong and smart person. Every sitcom husband for the last four decades has been an oafish buffoon who constantly needs his wife to correct and guide him. This isn’t a coincidence or mistake. They intentionally portray husbands and fathers in this manner for a reason.) Take a break and fast from electronics and social media. Step back for at least a week and see what happens when you free your mind and soul from these messages. You will be shocked at how different you feel and how different your relationship with your husband becomes. And once you do that, start to find a better, and more controlled, diet of content to consume which reinforces the beliefs and views that you want to emulate.
Pray Together: Encourage your husband to assume his role as the spiritual head of the family and lead you in praying a daily rosary as a family. The husband is the bishop of the family. He has spiritual authority over his family and will be called to account by God for the condition of his family on his judgment day. So have him be the leader and guide your family in right relationship and worship of God.
Receive The Graces of the Sacrament: God gave the sacrament of Matrimony to the Catholic Church for a reason. It wasn’t on accident or as a cheap benefit. God knows how difficult that marriage and family life can be, and so He gave us this great sacrament to help us and give us His graces to make our families and marriages holy. But remember, you receive none of the graces of the sacrament if you are in a state of mortal sin. So both you and your husband need to go to Confession ASAP.
Remember always that the best way to get to Heaven is to grab the hand of your spouse and walk with them on the narrow path to God. If you will work on these ten steps, you may not get your husband to stop being emasculated, but you will have removed any barriers that you have put up that have stopped him from being the masculine husband that you truly desire.
When will part 2 arrive?